In true GameFreak fashion, we are all party
to the glacial pace with which information will be doled out to us until
November of 2016. Usually, the hit we expect goes onto largely justify the wait
– like an addict coming across an unusually powerful strand of drug, and all is
forgiven.
PokeFans all over the world share this
common trait – waiting for our patience to be rewarded.
Not this time though! *facepalm*
Welcome to the Alola region! An island
formation inspired largely by Hawaii! Really? Alola? Like Aloha? How many
nights did GameFreak stay up to come up with this little tidbit of word play. I
mean seriously! It was the eye-roll that could be felt world over.
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| The Alola Region |
They also released a picture of the
overworld map further emphasizing the most lackluster region I have yet to see.
Only one word comes to mind – LAZY!
But let’s not dwell – let us address the
meat of the matter, the 3 Alola starters. With a name like that I wasn’t
expecting much of an assault to the senses anyway – and boy did they deliver! -
or in this case, fail to.
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| The 3 Alola Starters - or collectively referred to as WTF |
Litten. Like kitten with an L? More like
the runt in the Pyroar pack that was neutered and domesticated?
Rowlet. Like Rufflet’s inbred cousin who
the Braviary gave up to hospice care but everyone tolerates at family
gatherings because he seems to mean well.
And Popplio – aka the sound a turd makes
when making contact with an almost empty bowl.
Keeping the Oscar Wilde wordplay aside for
just a quick second to talk about the designs. One stroke. That’s all it seems
to have taken. The Pokemon could have easily been made in one sitting, in one
damn stroke. There’s absolutely nothing innovative about them.
Lazy, lazy, LAZY!
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| 6 generations of Starters |
I’m not usually a negative person. But this
was not cool man! I’ve been around since Kanto and the starters’ reveal is
extremely important to me. It gives us a look at the first Pokemon partner
we’ll be running down the routes through with together, and who’ll
predominantly end up as the most powerful Pokemon within our Teams when we
ultimately make it to the Pokemon League. Moreover, it gives you a feel of what
the local fauna has in store down the road. Litten, Rowlet and Popplio? Cue the
slow clap!
But as I said, I’m not really a very
negative person, and the addict inside me still clings onto a ray of hope. For
example, I remember how insanely hyped and excited I was when I got my first
look at the Unova starters and Snivy, Tepig and Oshawatt gave us the worst
third tier evolutions that GameFreak has ever made!
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| Just, no. |
Speaking of Unova starters – did anyone
else think that Popplio would’ve been the more appropriate design to eventually
evolve into Samurott?
In all of starter history, Oshawatt to Samurott have been
the least likely to be connected in terms of character design – making a sea
lion whip out swords and fence with the enemy is by all means, riDIC. And this
is coming from someone who is DOWN to hang with a possessed chandelier!
This is the 7th generation guys
- my expectations are duly high. And let’s be realistic, we’re not Ash ‘mediocre’
Ketchum - none of us are going to be stuck with these starters for more than
the initial hours of gameplay. Here’s hoping for worthier evolutions come leveling
up.
But maybe for the time being I should
return to my ORAS and vent my anger on Battle Spot. Kicking ass with my
Jellicent/Umbreon combo was never this therapeutic.
